well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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