i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
