I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
