can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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