peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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