I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is it penis luge time yet?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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