I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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