I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
