Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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