if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
