you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
