Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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