If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
