He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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