in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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