we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
