Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dear god my vagina.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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