Got a toothbrush?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
