I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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