I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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