This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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