I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
