it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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