i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Green mimosas i think yes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I FOUND THE LEGS
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
