Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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