just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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