omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize