Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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