I hate your face
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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