This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
