I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
