first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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