I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
