The best revenge is premature balding
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
