I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
