Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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