i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
