So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
