When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
