True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
