So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
