winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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