I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
