the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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