Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
