I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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