also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
