we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize