Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
