Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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