mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
