it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
