I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
