Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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