wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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