Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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