She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
