He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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