Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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