there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
