I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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