I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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