Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
