you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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