Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
