sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
