i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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