I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
