we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
