i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
