I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
