butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
