If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
